I can hardly believe it: my oldest is officially starting high school! I’m not even sure how it happened. One minute I was changing his diapers and the next I’m looking over his freshman year schedule. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m all over the place emotionally! Naturally, I’ve been frantically googling how to survive this transition (both for my high schooler and for myself), so I figured why not share some of what I’ve found? Plus my own two cents.
1. Be Your Child’s Rock
High school is no joke—there’s more homework, more activities, and more pressure to make doing it all seem natural. As adults, many of us look back on high school and realize that not all of it was as difficult as it seemed at the time. But for a teenager, high school can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Depending on how much they have on their plate, between schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and everything beyond school, they might also feel like life is a chaotic mess.
So what do they need? Certainly not parents who say “It’s your choice” to every question or request. Structure in the home is super important. It’s important even before high school, but it’s especially important for teenagers. Even if they groan about it, teenagers ultimately need and want some of that good old-fashioned organization (and we moms need it too!). When the world outside feels like chaos, the home should be the opposite! Rules about curfews, screen time, study routines—all those things can give a confused and worried teenager a sense of consistency and predictability.
Along those lines, let’s all take a deep breath about grades. Sure, straight A’s would be wonderful. But if my kid ends up with a few B’s (or even a C!), it’s not the end of the world. I didn’t get straight A’s, and neither did my husband, and we’re doing just fine. It’s so important to remind our kids, especially when they’re high schoolers, that their value as a person isn’t based on what those little letters on their report cards. Life is about learning, growing, and experiencing—not about having perfect marks on a piece of paper.
2. Kids (Typically) Want to Fit In
Ah, high school—peer pressure, comparisons, and endless attempts to “fit in” (although sometimes there are desperate attempts to not fit in). I remember high school like it was yesterday (okay, okay, let’s say several years ago). I still remember the pressure to be liked and fit in and my obsession of avoiding embarrassment. And now, thanks to social media, these feelings and obsessions often get cranked up to an eleven.
Good advice I found is to get to know your child’s friends and their parents (if you haven’t already). Knowing who is influencing your teen can help keep a pulse on what’s happening in their world. Encourage your teenager to explore clubs, sports, and other activities if they’re struggling to make friends. Those environments can set the stage for friendships because everyone already has something in common.
But be careful not to push teenagers into a packed schedule where they’re too busy to even breathe. As I said before, high school can feel like chaos to many teenagers, and you don’t want to add to that feeling, even if your intentions are good. I see some families running (or rather driving) from soccer practice to piano to band to who knows what else, and they just seem exhausted. They also tend to have less time for spontaneous activities. I want my kids to explore their passions and random interests, but I still want them to have a childhood full of spontaneity and enough downtime.
3. The Generation Gap Has Never Been Wider, So Try to Close It!
Let’s be real—today’s teenagers are dealing with a whole different world than we did. There’s YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, and whatever new app pops up this year. I don’t know how anybody can keep track of more than a few. Assuming they have access to devices, teenagers are constantly connected, constantly bombarded with information and stimulation, and constantly navigating social dynamics. My head spins just thinking about all of that.
I don’t allow my kids to use much social media because I’ve seen too many negative outcomes in other families. It’s just not worth it to me. And what little social media I do allow them to have, I monitor. But not just monitor—I try to keep up with it, understand it. Well, I’m trying. I don’t want to be left in the dark. I even dip my toes into the music my kids listen to and some of the general trends, like the newest jargon (even if it makes them cringe sometimes).
Let me be clear. Doing all this is not to become your kids’ bestie. This is about understanding their world so that you can have open conversations with them, which brings us to the next point…
4. Talk, Talk, and Keep Talking
I saved this for last because I really truly feel that this is the most important thing, and it might mean the difference between thriving during the high school years and merely surviving the high school years. I know, I know, teenagers are notorious for being moody, and the stereotype of the “rebellious teen” can be intimidating, because it doesn’t come from nothing.
But I’m determined to keep the door open for real conversations with my oldest child. Whether it’s in the car, at the store, or in the garden together, I want him to feel safe coming to me with anything that might be on his mind. And I’m looking forward to having many great conversations with him over the next four years (and beyond)!
But here’s the tricky part for many of us moms: when our kids do open up, we have to actually listen. No interrupting, no jumping in with advice right away, no casting judgment, just listening. When teenagers feel heard and respected, they’re more likely to keep the line of communication open with their parents. And honestly, I know that these next four years for my oldest are going to come with plenty of challenges. But I also know that staying connected to him and being an approachable mom will make a world of difference for the both of us.
I’m still a bit terrified, but I’m excited to see how my high schooler grows and to see where his high school journey will take him. If you’re in the same boat, just remember—you’ve got this!